Not long following the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in favor of legalizing same-sex marriage in all 50 states, Lena Dunham tweeted at longtime boyfriend Jack Antonoff: “Get on it, yo …”
The creator and star of HBO’s Girls has long been an ally for the LGBTQ community; in particular, she’s been outspoken in declaring that she and Antonoff — whom she’s been dating since 2012 — would not marry until marriage was legal for everybody across the United States.
Now that she is free to walk down the aisle, Dunham reflected on the state of her union in a piece for The New Yorker, revealing her childhood “wedding fever” and admitting that “living in a world where marriage wasn’t an option” had been a bit of a relief for the couple, even though the decision to marry had been something they had decided to postpone.
“Instead of a hardship, this limbo had been a saving kind of relief, a limitless breathing space that allowed our relationship to grow without any of the tortured questions of legal commitments and ring settings that seem to plague so many sooner that they might want,” Dunham, 29, wrote, going on to address some of the criticism lobbed at straight couples who took the same pledge: “Had a perfectly earnest moral and political stance actually been a convenient stalling tactic?”
Indeed, following the Supreme Court ruling, Dunham “had realized just how little the concept of marriage had been on [Antonoff’s] mind. … As a man, his entire life [had] not been shaped by a desire for, or a rejection of, a fluffy white dress.”
Though Dunham had once believed herself to be over the “wedding fever” that persisted even into her adolescence — though in 10th grade, it took a different form when she envisioned herself in a shredded, off-white lace dress paired with off-white satin combat boots — she admits that she’s still unsure whether she’s under the spell of social conditioning, “from the codes we have been taught to follow.”
In any case, she and Antonoff — lead singer of Bleachers, guitarist for fun., and Taylor Swift songwriting collaborator — won’t necessarily be heading down the aisle anytime soon. “I like living in that uncertainty while other people celebrate their hard-won right to have just what they grew up dreaming of, with no caveats,” Dunham wrote. “I like being a guest, for now. Aunt Bonnie, keep the dress in the box. But don’t throw it away.”
Whether Dunham and Antonoff choose to marry or not, they have their future together in mind: “I think about [having kids] a lot and it seems like fun,” Antonoff, 31, recently told ContactMusic. “We talk about it all the time.”