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The Unauthorized Full House Story releases cast photo, and it is in big trouble, mister

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Lifetime

How rude. 

Lifetime’s upcoming movie The Unauthorized Full House Story, which promises to tell us everything we never wanted to know about Bob Saget’s work-life balance, has released the first photo of the cast via The Wrap—unless this is a butter sculpture of the Tanners from your local county fair. It’s hard to be sure.

Garrett Brawith as Bob Saget as Danny Tanner almost has it. He looks like he’s smelling Lemon Pledge, but also like he’s inviting the photographer to shoot him. Dakota Guppy as a young Jodie Sweetin isn’t too far off either. But Justin Gaston as John Stamos? Have mercy and spare us that hair. And Justin Mader’s Dave Coulier looks like that guy who steals other tailgaters’ hot dogs before football games. Cut it out.  

The real Dave Coulier has already retweeted the photo.

Drive a car through this, Stephanie.

Lifetime