The original Beverly Hills, 90210 signed off the air on May 17, 2000, which means kids who were born when the finale aired are in high school now, living their own next-generation 90210 lives. But what if the original crew went to West Beverly Hills High today? Whose parties would they crash? What would they wear? And most importantly: What would be their names?
EW has decided to pose that last question to the greatest scientific mind of our time: an online baby name generator. With the help of TIME’s new generator, we’ve applied what we know about the core teens’ birthdays—they were all born in 1974 and 1975—and tracked down the characters’ contemporary monikers to reimagine this show for the present day.
“But The CW did that already!” you cry. No. Not the same. Original 90210-ers or bust.
Name today: Connor
Connor seems like the kind of upstanding young man who might wear down his editor’s pesky feminism in order to date her.
Name today: Madelyn
It may sound traditional, but it’s spelled with a “y.” Madelyn lives on the edge.
Name today: Evelyn
She’s so rich it’s blinding.
Name today: Brian
Brian is the male version of Taylor Swift in the “You Belong With Me” video.
Name today: Anna
Anna would have a crush on her teacher, wouldn’t she? That’s so Anna.
Name today: Brennan
He comes from money, but it’s dirty money, and he wants nothing to do with it. That’s why his first name is actually a last name. Brennan is his own family.
Name today: William
We know it’s hard to hear, but William doesn’t love you as much as he loves his music.
Name today: Jackson
Jackson absolutely wears a cowboy hat to class.
Name today: Genesis
“Genesis Martin graduates”? If you insist.