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Adam Sandler: David Letterman tribute song is completely perfect

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CBS

Adam Sandler said goodbye to David Letterman on Tuesday night with a special tribute song. “I’ve been trying to write this song for you for the last … whenever!” Sandler said before performing the track, which included references to Julia Roberts, Jay Leno, Les Moonves and Stephen Colbert. It might be the best thing Sandler’s done in years (or at least since the SNL 40 digital short). Watch above. Full lyrics are below.

There simply is no better man than good ol’ David Letterman. And no one gets Julia Roberts’ face redder than a flirty David Letterman.

He’s leaving after 30 years, and you know he will be missed. If you like gap-toothed men in double-breasted suits, he’s No. 1 on your Top-10 lists. He won’t have to pick up the phone anymore when Les Moonves calls him up. He’ll finally have time to take Jay Leno out for coffee, then secretly pee in his cup.

There simply is no better man than good ol’ David Letterman. And no one makes my mother wetter than David Letterman. [Okay mom, I told him, I hope you’re happy.]

Seems like yesterday, when I was 14 and you looked like a freshman at Ball State. Now your hairpiece is full of grey, and I’m f–king 48. I can’t believe at night when we’re watching Stephen Colbert, you’ll be tucked in bed under the sheets. Pets with stupid tricks will have no place to go, while Paul Shaffer and the band sell crack on the streets.

There simply is no better man than our hero David Letterman. I can’t thank you enough for all you done, and I’m sure I ain’t the only one.

Because you’ve paved the way for every late-night show. Both Jimmys should get on their knees and blow … you kisses. You kisses. No more interviewing Heidi Klum or Cheryl Tiegs, now you’re just the oldest dad at little league. And when you say goodbye and take your final drive in your Ferrari full of stolen office supplies. And we watch you go with eyes full of tears, I hope the cops pull you over and drag you back here for 30 more years. ‘Cause you’re the king of comedy. Our best friend on TV. And I’ll miss you. Yeah, buddy, I’ll miss you. The whole world’s gonna miss you: David Letterman.

CBS