With the long-awaited May 2 birth of Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana of Cambridge, royal baby hysteria is sweeping the world (What color will they paint the nursery!? Who designed the pram!?), which means it’s time to prepare these kids for life in the public eye. If the children are our future, these babies will ensure that star power rules long afterthis generation literally can’t even anymore.
1. Prince George of Cambridge
(Prince William & Catherine of Cambridge)
Suave and sophisticated, Prince George was breaking hearts even before he was born, and now he regally reigns over pumpkin patches and playdates. He may only be the third heir to the throne, but his swagger in the swaddle suggests he’s not remotely fazed by the opening lineup.
2. North West
(Kanye West & Kim Kardashian)
Prince George, I’mma let you finish, but Kim and Kanye’s baby is one of the best of all time. Of all time! And thanks to her stage parents, we’re betting that soon enough, she’ll dominate the recording industry. (No, seriously—she’s already on Tidal.)
3. Wyatt Kutcher
(Ashton Kutcher & Mila Kunis)
Much like her parents, that ’70s baby just seems like the kind of infant you’d want to sit back and, like, have a beer with.
4. Silas Timberlake
(Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel)
How early is too early for baby’s first fedora? We sense that Silas will inherit Timberlake’s smooth style as much as he’ll inherit Biel’s 7th Heaven values. We hope.
5. River Rose Blackstock
(Brandon Blackstock & Kelly Clarkson)
If Kelly Clarkson is America’s idol, then wide-eyed River is America’s baby. Based on Clarkson’s frequent photos of River jamming out with headphones, we’re counting down the days until she faces off with Carrie Underwood’s progeny on Idol season 45, covering One Direction oldies.
6. Princess Charlotte of Cambridge
(Prince William & Catherine)
At press time, Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana has just been born and has thusly yet to show any personality traits. Stars, they’re just like us! (And at a whopping fourth in line to the crown, she might as well be one of us regular folks, anyway.)
7. James Reynolds
(Ryan Reynolds & Blake Lively)
Flipping gender-normative baby names on their head is progressive James, whose sharing of Lively and Reynolds’ DNA is the most important development in genes since The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
8. Avri Downey
(Robert Downey Jr. & Susan Downey)
Being the daughter of Iron Man comes with a few perks: zero-gravity games of airplane, peekaboo with Daddy’s electromagnetic arc reactor, and enough toys (both Fisher-Price and Maserati) to put the “play” in “billionaire playboy.”
9. Everly Tatum
(Channing Tatum & Jenna Dewan Tatum)
We eagerly await her film debut in Poop Up 2: The Streets.
10. Oliver Finlay Dallas
(Josh Dallas & Ginnifer Goodwin)
The son of Prince Charming and Snow White is technically royal, sure, but if Once Upon a Time is any indication, our fascination will really set in once he meets Queen Elsa.
11. Justin Bieber
(Jeremy Bieber & Patricia Mallette)
Egging houses? Crashing cars? This 21-year-old celebrity baby is proof that getting older doesn’t mean growing up. We can think of at least 10 other toddlers he should be looking up to, even if he has to look down.