Pop culture touchstone Full House is back—and it’s about time. Were we really supposed to accept “Michelle doesn’t have amnesia anymore” as a satisfying conclusion to the epic eight-year mystery that is this show? Not likely.
Sure, on the surface, Full House was a turn-of-the-’90s sitcom about three men banding together to raise a family, but that squeaky clean exterior (cleaned by Danny Tanner himself) hid a labyrinth of riddles. For one: What’s with all the tragedy? Government conspiracy, or just the universe compensating for giving everyone really great hair?
EW has compiled the series’ most important loose ends and unanswered questions, all of which we hope to see resolved in Fuller House. Have mercy, Netflix.
- How can a newscaster, a failed comedian, and a struggling musician afford one of the most expensive houses in the most expensive housing market in America?
- Why did no one notice when Jesse Cochran’s last name suddenly changed to Katsopolis?
- Have Nicky and Alex stopped buying matching clothes yet? Are they capable of independent thought?
- How much did it cost to repair the kitchen after Stephanie drove a car through it—and how did a newscaster, a failed comedian, and a struggling musician afford to fix one of the most expensive houses in the most expensive market in America?
- How did a man as paranoid and careful as Danny Tanner have a kid at 19 or 20? (It’s true. The season 4 episode “The Graduates,” in which D.J. graduates eighth grade, gives Danny’s age as 33. This is also when Danny dates a 21-year-old college student, which we have no questions about except how to erase it from our memories.)
- How does Danny feel about vacuum technology in 2015?
- Has he sought treatment for his OCD?
- Is it really that easy to make the Beach Boys just appear? Don’t they have things to do?
- What are Jesse and the Rippers doing?
- What’s R.E.M. doing? (Not that R.E.M.—we want the 60-year-old triplets who opened the Smash Club.)
- COMET WILL LIVE FOREVER, RIGHT?
- Whatever happened to
predictabilityMichelle’s super-cool identical cousin from Greece?
- Who snapped, did the world a service, and burned Mr. Woodchuck?
- Is Becky running every national news outlet by now?
- If Duane is Kimmy’s husband, was his wedding vow “Whatever”?
- Where is Steve, and why didn’t D.J. marry him?
- What do the catchphrases mean? 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42, “You got it dude,” “How rude”? Suspicious.