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Oscars 2017
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Jimmy Kimmel's post-Oscar show: The Kimmel School of Perfect Acting

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ABC

Not enough people are thanking Jimmy Kimmel during their Oscar acceptance speeches, or so Jimmy Kimmel thinks.  

As part of his 10th annual Jimmy Kimmel Live!: After the Oscars, the closest thing most of us will ever get to an Oscar party, Kimmel revealed that he is the man behind so much of Hollywood’s talent through the work he does at The Kimmel School of Perfect Acting.

The school is the premier acting school in town, with Kimmel being the self-proclaimed “greatest acting teacher the world has ever known.”  Harvey Weinstein said he won’t even consider working with an actor who hasn’t studied under Kimmel.

And why should he?

Kimmel is responsible for perfecting British actor Eddie Redmayne’s English accent, which Kimmel did not believe to be authentic enough. And Sunday night he won the Best Actor Oscar for his performance as a British person. Coincidence? 

Jeff Bridges can’t speak highly enough of his acting teacher, calling him, “the dude behind The Dude.”

“When someone lights your script on fire and duct tapes it to your hand, you’re gonna find a way to say your lines,” Bridges said.

He made Jennifer Aniston do a “distrust” fall with him, in which he insisted he would not catch her. (He didn’t.) He made Gary Oldman prove he could act his way out of a paper bag. (Literally, a giant brown paper bag.) He screamed insults at Kristen Bell about her horrible performance in Frozen, while she attempted to do a monologue.

And then he broke up Emily Blunt and John Krasinski and performed “smacting” on Sean Penn—in other words, he smaked him with a pool noodle while he reads lines. (“The pool noodle is the only way I can learn,” Penn admits, later crediting Kimmel as the reason he won Best Actor for Milk, even if he did think it was about milk.)

Kimmel can’t think of a favorite student of his, because he hates them all, but his least favorite are those who forget to thank him for their accomplishments.

When J.K. Simmons arrived on Sunday with his Best Supporting Actor Oscar in tow, Kimmel was extremely upset that Simmons had not bothered to thank him in his acceptance speech. Kimmel insisted that really “they,” or even really just Kimmel, had won the award.

Last year, Best Supporting Actress winner Lupita Nyong’o also forgot to thank Kimmel, and when she arrived home after the Vanity Fair party, she found that Kimmel had bashed in all the windows of her car.

The only actor who has yet to really gain anything from The Kimmel School of Perfect Acting is Matt Damon.

“I’ve been in the class for two years and paid thousands of dollars and he only lets me play chairs and lamps. He says I need to graduate and then I can play people,” Damon said.

Matt, if Kimmel can’t help you, maybe acting just isn’t your thing.

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