This week, reports spread that toy manufacturer Hasbro is considering purchasing cartoon manufacturer DreamWorks Animation. It’s unclear how serious the talks are, but it’s entirely possible that your child’s favorite board game corporation will soon merge with your child’s second-favorite animation company. This wouldn’t be the first time Hasbro has taken a run at Hollywood—the company formed an ambitious partnership with Universal, resulting in the very expensive bad movie Battleship, and the very cheap bad movie Oujia.
Presumably, the long-term plan would be for DreamWorks to directly adapt toys and board games from the Hasbro catalogue into films. Let’s run the odds and try to figure out what gets the big screen treatment first, shall we?
Littlest Pet Shop: Great ensemble possibilities here. Lots of different pets = lots of potential breakout characters voiced by cult comedians looking for a paycheck. Aziz Ansari is already practicing his Bashful Bunny voice. “My parents named me Bashful! BASH-FULL! That’s like naming a kid Nervous! I’M A BUNNEEEEE!” 20-1
Ants in the Pants: Lovable talking ants feels like a slam dunk. But, problem: DreamWorks already did the whole “lovable talking ants” thing in their very first film, Antz. On the other hand, nobody remembers Antz. On the other other hand, these ants are inside of people’s pants? Nope! 40-1
Mouse Trap: Lovable talking mouse = another slam dunk. But Mouse Trap feels like a darker property. Like, if you think about it, the game’s “story” is about a group of humans who capture mice and force them to race through a deathtrap until there’s only one mouse left standing. It’s like The Hunger Games with mice. Actually, no, it’s like that Hunger Games movie that isn’t The Hunger Games, where the kids run through a maze. 50-1
Guess Who?: No talking animals. 500-1
Furby: Fluffy little monsters who all look vaguely like Gizmo from Gremlins. Big in the ’90s, which could mean it’s the perfect time for a big-budget reintroduction. 60-1
Candy Land: A colorful setting. A linear storyline. Pre-existing characters like King Kandy and Lord Licorice. Candy Land isn’t a movie, it’s a trilogy with sky-high spinoff potential. Except—oh oh!—a previous attempt to make a Candy Land movie resulted in a lawsuit. So currently it’s a 70-1, but as soon as Katzenberg Katzenbergifies that lawsuit into oblivion, move this one up to EVEN MONEY.
Tinkertoys: “How could they ever make a movie out of construction toys?” is definitely a question we would’ve asked before The LEGO Movie. Still, this feels unlikely, mainly because nobody likes Tinkertoys. 100-1
Crocodile Dentist: There’s a game called Crocodile Dentist? Was everyone aware of this? Just imagine the elevator pitch! Chris ‘Croc’ O’Dile is a successful dentist with a loving family and a big house. There’s just one problem: He’s turning into a crocodile. Charlie Day is CROCODILE DENTIST. 18-1
Battleship: They’re making another Green Lantern movie. So they’ll get back around to this, eventually. 90-1
Jenga: Just imagine the CGI-animated cityscapes made entirely out of hundreds of thousands of tiny digital Jenga blocks. 15-1
Hungry Hungry Hippos: Duh. EVEN MONEY
Monopoly: Probably less likely than it seems. Has the strongest name recognition and a robust mythology. But how, precisely, does one go about making a movie set in the go-go world of property management? 35-1
The Game of Life: Remember the first 10 minutes of Up? Now imagine that was a whole movie. 100-1