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The lyrics of 'It's the Hard-Knock Life,' according to 'Annie' emoji

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So, there’s an Annie movie. And if the trailers are any indication, it’s probably going to be hilarious. Not “ha-ha, isn’t this whimsical?” hilarious, but “Pierce Brosnan is giving his all in Mamma Mia!” hilarious.

But the one thing that isn’t funny is the movie’s social media campaign. Annie‘s marketing team seems to actually understand its target demographic: tween girls and reluctant adults whose fingers are glued to their phones. The latest proof of that awareness is a goofy lyric video accompanying the first full track release of “It’s the Hard-Knock Life,” the show’s orphan ensemble opener (calm down, “Maybe”). The song introduces us to the film’s sassy stars (now foster kids), cursed to live out their days scrubbing floors and singing backup harmony.

The song is fine—and reflective of Annie‘s contemporary setting update—but the emoji are just wrong. SO wrong, in fact, that they’re almost indecipherable to those of us who don’t study emoji lore. That’s why I decided to translate it for you.

First, you must play the actual version of the song:

Now imagine you’re in an orphanage in New York City—only instead of a Great Depression-era shack run by Carol Burnett, it’s a chic Orange is the New Bunk Bed-style playroom where Cameron Diaz makes you watch her back catalog. And scene:

The Crying Game | JAYE DAVIDSON gets my vote for the best gender bender. I was actually fooled until The Crying Game 's the big reveal and it helped…

♫ (Here’s some music because it’s a song) ♫

Cate Blanchett, I'm Not There | How about CATE BLANCHETT as Bob Dylan in I'm Not There ? Movie gets a thumbs down, but she was fantastic! — Damien

♫ (And lots of diverse applause plus shoes) ♫

Gael García Bernal, Bad Education | The best on my list is GAEL GARCIA BERNAL in Bad Education ...he looked so pretty! — Yss

♫ (There is a horn section that far out-budgets the strings) ♫

Kiss

♫ It’s the hammer punch boom baby bird…for us! ♫

Calista Flockhart, Ally McBeal

♫ It’s the hammer E door Toad…for us! ♫

Barbra Streisand, Yentl | BARBRA STREISAND in Yentl . Subtle and moving performance as someone caught between genders. A vastly underrated performance. — Tom Dewey

♫ Instead of cookies ♫

Toby Keith

♫ We get a rabbit ♫

Anvil! The Story of Anvil

♫ ‘Steada kisses ♫

Ving Rhames, Holiday Heart | VING RHAMES was in a movie called Holiday Heart , with Alfre Woodard — as a transvestite. He actually pulled the role off really well.…

♫ DSW has a sale ♫

♫ Anchor are-my-nailbeds-okay door LIFE! ♫

♫ (We’re about to start another verse, here are more horns) ♫

♫ Easter Island bowling love…for us! ♫

Chris Noth, Julianna Margulies, ...

♫ Hammer this cuticle inside the battery…for us! ♫

Linda Hunt, The Year of Living Dangerously | LINDA HUNT in The Year of Living Dangerously . She plays a small statured man and won an Academy Award. It wasn't until the credits…

Dogs enjoy fruit, chicken, and treats 

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

♫ Dogs contemplate mankind’s existential obligations (“tricks”) ♫

Anvil! The Story of Anvil

♫ ‘Steada kisses ♫

Ving Rhames, Holiday Heart | VING RHAMES was in a movie called Holiday Heart , with Alfre Woodard — as a transvestite. He actually pulled the role off really well.…

♫ I stubbed my toe ♫

The Kids in the Hall | It's not a feature film, but any female character DAVE FOLEY played on The Kids in the Hall . Especially his portrayal of Jocelyn, the…

♫ It’s the jewel book ecosystem! ♫

♫ (MORE MUSIC—YOU STILL WITH US? K GOOD) ♫

♫ Don’t it feel like the cloud Poliwhirl is always poodlin’? ♫

Where the Wild Things Are

♫ Don’t it seem like we’re spying on this girl? ♫

Half Broke Horses

♫ Once a day, do you find yourself weeping at the thought of another sunrise? ♫

Woody Harrelson, The People vs. Larry Flynt

♫ It’s easier than putting up a fight ♫

Stardust

No one’s there when you fall asleep during Hocus Pocus ♫

♫ Sunflower sunflower sunflower sunflower ♫

♫ (We decided to skip to the next portion of the song) ♫

Parks and Recreation

♫ Gluten-free life ♫

Bones, Emily Deschanel

Disgusting disgusting life ♫

♫ Sad triplets life ♫

Hugh Grant, Sarah Jessica Parker, ...

♫ I Hate Mondays life ♫

Joel McHale, Community

♫ Santa Claus we never see, Santa Claus is not a part of our day-to-day ♫

FlashForward, Joseph Fiennes

♫ No one lets you cross the street when you’re an antisocial multi-ethnic orphan ♫

Knife in the Water | The Polish director starts strong with his Oscar-nominated debut feature film, Knife in the Water .

♫ Diamond punch this baby! ♫

Mia Farrow, Roman Polanski, ... | After brief stints in France and England, Polanski relocates to the United States, where he releases his classic horror film, Rosemary's Baby . The film…

♫ (Musical interlude) ♫

♫ (AND THE CHORUS ONCE MORE, WITH FEELING!) ♫

FlashForward, John Cho

♫ Hammer these books into your heart…for us! ♫

Paul Shaffer

♫ Pull the mustache kill Sofia Vergara ♫

MacBeth | Polanski releases a remarkably violent film adaptation of Shakespeare's Macbeth , a project he started shortly after Tate's murder.

Then rush her to the ER and ask for Karev  ♫

Jack Nicholson, Roman Polanski, ... | The director helms the critically acclaimed Chinatown . The film picks up a whopping 11 Oscar nominations, including one for star Jack Nicholson.

♫ (SUDDEN BRASS!) ♫

Tea Leoni

♫ Anchor bowling that plant…for us! ♫

Nastassja Kinski | What controversy? The Academy gives Polanski another Oscar nomination for Tess , his adaptation of Thomas Hardy's Tess of the d'Urbervilles .

♫ Statue stop-in-the-name-of-love entryway battery…for us! ♫

Daniel Craig, Hugh Jackman, ...

♫ All the words we said earlier… ♫

Sharon Tate, Roman Polanski | One year after marrying actress Sharon Tate, Polanski loses his new wife — who is eight months pregnant — to the brutal Charles Manson murders.

♫ Sledgehammer…punch…bang…baby…LIIIIIIIFE! ♫

♫ Jamie Foxx is also in the movie. ♫