J Carter Rinaldi/Getty Images
Esther Zuckerman
September 18, 2014 AT 03:28 PM EDT

This morning, Time debuted two new poems from renowned poet—sorry, actor—sorry, graduate student—sorry, who knows what anymore—James Franco. The pieces come from Franco’s new book, Hollywood Dreaming: Stories, Pictures, and Poems.

The first, “Angelz,” is about Franco’s experience filming Spring Breakers. (In the second stanza, he even seems to start writing in character as gangster Alien, using “z” instead of “s.”) The second poem is an ode to Franco’s Milk co-star Sean Penn.

There’s really only one way to respond to this brave* new work—which is why EW has composed a poem for Franco in his own style.

Franco, a name

that conjures

so many emotions:

frustration, anger, perhaps

jealousy.

Remember how you were so alluring

in Freaks and Geeks?

All rebellious in your

Daniel Desario jacket.

But what is poetry anyway?

Just a chance

to reminisce

about your movie roles,

to brag about

how you helped

the tween stars in Spring Breakers

and how you kissed Sean Penn in Milk?

Is it, James?

Is it?

Is this your sheeit?

*Is it though?

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