You’ve been very honest for years about wanting to leave E! Is it a relief that Chelsea Lately is over?
Yeah, I [went out] with a bang, and I’m happy to be done. I feel like I finally graduated from high school. Now I can go to community college.
You’ve been doing stand-up consistently for a while now. So how is this your first stand-up special?
I don’t know! Jay Leno once told me, ”Once you do an hour, you can’t really do those jokes again. Don’t ever burn your material.” I didn’t really need to do a special — I had a show on every night for the last seven years. Enough of me already!
Was it different doing your stand-up knowing it was for a special?
First of all, I woke up that day after having an allergy attack. We had to spend the whole day icing my eye because it was twice the size of the other, like a bee had snuck in my hotel room and had its way with me. It was a disaster! That’s the story of my life. I’m the only person who, if I have a big photo shoot, ends up putting on five pounds before. Hopefully you can’t tell on camera. I haven’t seen it because it’s hard for me to watch myself, but I hear it’s really good.
I know you talk about ”dolphin rape” in the special. What is that, and how can we prevent it?
People think dolphins are these wonderful, docile animals, but they’ll rape you. People need to be educated about that. You can Google it. They will pin you down on the floor of the ocean, have their way with you, and then take off and act like they didn’t do anything at all. They’re right up there with cats in my book.
Everyone wants to know: When your Netflix talk show starts up in 2016, will your sidekick Chuy come with you?
No! Chuy to Netflix? I don’t know why anyone would even think that. Chuy’s not coming to Netflix. This is a different show, a different chapter. Everyone on [Chelsea Lately] was very, very fortunate that they were on TV at all, never mind for seven years. [Laughs] Myself included.