1. Are There Any Beach Romps?
Nights in Rodanthe
Since this is set in the rural South, that would be a no. And the movie’s cinematography is so dark and murky, you’d be hard-pressed to even see a beach if it were there.
2. Is Someone A Widow Or A Widower?
Message in a Bottle
Belle is told her husband is dead, though it’s never explained how he died. We’re going to assume he drowned fording a river or succumbed to dysentery.
3. Does A Man Clench A Woman’s Face And Gaze Adoringly At Her?
It happens twice to Belle: once with sheriff/secret love Nate (CSI: Miami’s Wes Ramsey), then later with first love Toby (True Blood’s Riley Smith). Vixen!
4. Is There An ’80s Or ’90s Actor In A Small Role That Makes You Wonder Where The Hell They’ve Been (À La Henry Thomas)?
Everyone’s favorite Johnny Depp doppelgänger, Skeet Ulrich (Scream), drops in for a “special guest star” visit.
5. Does A Woman Cry? A Lot?
A Walk to Remember
[YES AND NO]
Belle’s sister (Caitlin Custer) has a brief sob, and Belle gets a touch of the wet-eye, but more in a Gone With the Wind “as God is my witness” kind of way.
6. Is There A Rain-Soaked Make-Out?
There is not a single drop of precipitation in the entire movie. A wasted opportunity, if you ask us.