Three-day weekends are an excuse to be lazy, kick back with a glass of wine (or five), and meander around the home in a constant state of bliss. Then again, that’s the life of a Real Housewife everyday of the week.
For the plebes of the world with a few days off from toil, this Labor Day weekend is the perfect time to catch up on the marathon of shows playing on television, that range from gross (Botched) to fecund (19 Kids and Counting) to a marathon that’s finally coming to an end (The Simpsons). EW has compiled a list of television marathons running from Saturday to Monday, so get out the neck pillow and a thing of cheesy snacks, because it’s going to be a whole lot of sitting.
Note: All listings are ET.
American Ninja Warrior, Esquire
7 a.m. Aug. 30–3.a.m. Aug. 31
Catch a lot of ultra-fit bros—and the amazing Kacy Catanzaro—complete obstacle courses that defy physics.
Naked and Afraid, Discovery
4 p.m. Aug. 31–3 a.m. Sept. 1
Basically, this show is like Dating Naked, except with fewer meet-cutes and more of an impetus to make it out alive in the wilderness with everyone’s junk hanging out.
The Simpsons, FXX
12 a.m. Aug. 30–12 a.m. Sept. 2
Yes, this marathon is still going on. Catch the last chunk of the much-touted Simpsons marathon.
SATURDAY, AUG. 30
Being Mary Jane, BET
8 a.m.–4 p.m.
Gabrielle Union gives her best Olivia Pope-meets-Will McAvoy as a successful news anchor who doesn’t mind being a mistress sometimes.
Hatfields & McCoys, History
9 a.m.–5 p.m.
It’s Kevin Costner as Hatfield versus Bill Paxton as McCoy in this historical miniseries, though Costner versus Paxton would make a good reality show too.
Oprah’s Master Class, OWN
10 a.m.–8 p.m.
While it sounds like a show where Oprah schools celebrities like Lindsay Lohan (too soon?), Oprah’s Master Class is more of a cinema vérité type of show that highlights the important lives of Winfrey’s favorite people, such as Jay Z, Barbara Walters, and Oprah Winfrey.
Saturday Night Live, TV Land
11 a.m.–11 p.m.
Take a nostalgic look at old SNL and hear the late Don Pardo announce the names of the various cast and guests.
11 a.m.–4:30 p.m.
You’d think Janice Dickinson could have afforded a better boob job with that Top Model money. Guess the marathons for cycles one through four don’t play enough for residuals.
Lord of the Rings Trilogy, TNT
12 p.m.–12 a.m.
Catch up with the classic pygmy hobbits that launched the movie franchise (none of that Richard Armitage hot bearded-dwarf action up in here though).
Where mason jars were ‘in’ before they were sold in huge units at Costco.
Will & Grace, weTV
2 p.m.–7 p.m.
It’s probably only worth watching for Jack and Karen and Rosario, though, to be honest.
SUNDAY, AUG. 31
The Real Housewives of Melbourne, Bravo
6:30 a.m.–1 p.m.
Who knew there was a mess of women with time, class, and money to kill down under?
Criminal Minds, A&E
7 a.m.–2 p.m.
For those in a CBS procedural mood (basically all the dads).
Frozen Planet, Animal Planet
9 a.m.–3 p.m.
Listen to Alec Baldwin’s totally calm and soothing voice narrate this documentary series about Antartica. It’s probably all that yoga.
12 p.m.–11 p.m.
If Criminal Minds wasn’t enough (for the dads).
19 Kids and Counting, TLC
12 p.m.–9 p.m.
Basically Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar go through every J-name in existence.
MONDAY, SEPT. 1
12 a.m.–12:30 p.m.
An aggregate of all the dumbest things bros have done for the sake of a YouTube video.
18 Kids and Counting, TLC
6 a.m.–3 p.m.
If 19 Kids and Counting from Sunday wasn’t enough birth for anyone.
The Beverly Hillbillies, TV Land
9:36 a.m.–2:38 p.m.
For those in the mood for a classic black-and-white comedy about class warfare.
Mike & Molly, FX
12 p.m.–9 p.m.
For fans of Melissa McCarthy and CBS comedy type jokes.
Preachers of LA, Oxygen
2 p.m.–9 p.m.
Oxygen has developed reality shows based on manicures and Aubrey O’Day, so why not tackle religion?
Iyanla: Fix My Life, OWN
5 p.m.–12 a.m.
Oprah Winfrey stops feuding with Iyanla Vanzant so Vanzant can act as proxy to fix your life.
Fear Factor, CMT
2.p.m. Sept. 1–1 a.m. Sept. 2
There’s nothing like watching a terrified woman clad in yoga pants, lying in coffin of worms for money, to really make you put your life in perspective.