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Revised Beatles songs about beetles eating George Harrison's tree

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THE BEATLES
Evening Standard/Getty Images

A tree that someone planted in memory of the Beatles’ George Harrison is no more: It was destroyed by beetles. No, really.

The pine tree, planted in 2004 near Los Angeles’ Griffith Observatory, died when it was infested by a swarm of beetles. It will eventually be replanted—but for now, we have some words for those tree-destroying insects. And naturally, those words come in the form of reinvented Beatles songs.

“Dear Beetles”

Dear beetles, won’t you eat new things today?

Dear beetles, don’t make trees de-cayyy

The sun is up, the sky is blue

It’s beautiful, and you are not

Dear beetles, won’t you eat new things today?

Dear beetles, open up your hearts

Dear beetles, find a new place to start

The wind is low, the birds will sing

And eat you if you eat this tree

Dear beetles, won’t you open up your hearts?

Munch around around

Munch around around around

Munch around

Dear beetles, you chewed down the tree

Dear beetles, you’re worse than bees

George’s tree has died, and you’re to blame

They’ll plant one more; it’s not the same

Dear beetles, why’d you have to chew that tree?

—Jackson McHenry

“Festerday”

Yesterday, all those beetles seemed so far away

Now it looks as though they’re here to stay

Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly, I’m not half the tree I used to be

There’s no more leaves hanging over me

Oh, yesterday came suddenly

Why they had to come, I don’t know—they couldn’t talk

I did nothing wrong, now I long for yesterday

Yesterday, life was such an easy game to play

Now I need a place to put my roots

Oh, I believe in yesterday

—Ariana Bacle

“Eleanor Bugby”

Ah, look at all the creepy crawlies

Ah, look at all the creepy crawlies

Eleanor Rigby picks up some rice, ’cause she heard that the bugs don’t like rice

Will it suffice?

Sits at the window, waiting to see if she can make the bugs go away

Why do they stay?

All the hungry beetles

Where do they all come from? (eggs)

All the hungry beetles

Where do they all belong? (dead)

Father McKenzie, only now realizing that “The Beatles” is a pun

Now he feels dumb

Look at him gawking, hitting himself in the head with the palm of his hand

“‘Beat’! Like a band!”

All the hungry beetles

Where do they all come from? (eggs)

All the hungry beetles

Where do they all belong? (dead)

Ah, look at all the creepy crawlies

Ah, look at all the creepy crawlies

Eleanor Rigby wanted to save the tree planted in Harrison’s name

The one that’s maimed

Father McKenzie’s too busy realizing more puns that he never knew

“Step by Step too?!”

All the hungry beetles (Ah, look at all the creepy crawlies)

Where do they all come from? (eggs)

All the hungry beetles (Ah, look at all the creepy crawlies)

Where do they all belong? (dead)

—Hillary Busis

And, to honor Harrison himself—since this is his memorial tree we’re mourning—one of George’s very own songs:

“Somebug”

Something in the way she chews

Reminds me of no other insect

Something in the way she kills me

I want her to leave me now

I want her to leave my bough

…you get the idea.

Now it’s your turn: How would you give a beetles-themed update to your favorite Beatles song?