1. Peter Jackson announces name of next Hobbit movie will change from There and Back Again to The Battle of the Five Armies
They were also considering I Know — We’re Tired Too.
2. Shocker: George Clooney, 52, gets engaged to older woman
At 36, the British attorney is only 16 years younger than the Oscar winner…. Wait, what did you think I meant by older woman?
3. Fox developing event series about Jesus’ formative years
Looking forward to learning more about his college days, when he was turning water into wine coolers.
4. James Cromwell cages himself in shipping crate to protest cruelty toward monkeys
Or someone really wants a job on the next season of American Horror Story.
5. Sony teaming up with Mattel for live-action Barbie film
Casting director to actress: “Have you ever played a doctor/nurse/astronaut/paleontologist/presidential candidate/firefighter/aerobics instructor/UNICEF ambassador? No? Well, can we see you in a bikini?”
6. Teri Polo files for Chapter 11 bankruptcy
Guess she couldn’t Meet the Payments.
7. Idaho man on mission to collect all VHS copies of Speed has already obtained over 500: ”I realized it was really fascinating to have that many, like, same copies of a thing”
Asked if he’d do the same for Speed 2: Cruise Control, he scoffed, “I’m crazy — not clinically insane.“
8. Guns N’ Roses guitarist Richard Fortus says band will put new music out ”hopefully very soon…well, in the next year”
Awww, you’re so adorable, Not Slash.
9. Stockpile of E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial videogames, which had supposedly been buried in the ’80s by Atari after they went unsold, unearthed in New Mexico desert
The site is expected to become the future home of more than 500 VHS copies of Speed.