Entertainment Weekly


Stay Connected


Advertise With Us

Learn More

Skip to content


Advice, Kurt Vonnegut-Style

As a bracing antidote to the new crop of sweet advice books for grads, Seven Stories is publishing a collection of Vonnegut’s commencement speeches — and as you might imagine, ”If This Isn’t Nice, What Is?” is a blast of pure acid; here are some of his best lines

Posted on

“I have not calculated how much your diplomas cost in time and money. Whatever those ballpark figures are, they surely deserve this reaction from me today: Wow. Wow. Wow.”

“Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites, representing nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.”

“If I have offended some of you by speaking ill of Thomas Jefferson, tough titty for you.”

“There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don’t know what can be done to fix it. This is it: only nutcases want to be president.”