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Burn After Reading

For a sneak peek behind the scenes at Hulu’s reality-show spoof ”The Hotwives of Orlando,” castmate Tawny (Casey Wilson) slipped EW a page from her burn book. Expect charity, chardonnay, and s— talking to ensue!

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1. Veronica
Veronica Von Vandervon is just upset because of a recent botched vaginal lift.

2. Tawny
I look amazing. Wow! I look good as all herrrrrrllll. But tonight is not about how amazing I look — it’s about my charity, Classy Canines.

3. Phe Phe
That’s Phe. (Short for Phenomenon.) She’s a lawyer, a cake designer, a Zumba instructor, a foot model, a certified CPA, and an aspiring taxidermist. Get it, girrrrl!

4. Amanda
Amanda’s a former child star — she was the Florida Prune Juice Girl. I once sat in the audience of a Malibu Country taping, so I’m the real actress around here, but Amanda is a triple threat: actress, spokesperson, and addict.

5. Crystal
Crystal just wears that cross to draw attention to her big jugs. Rude. But she has the Lord and her plastic surgeon to thank for them. (I’m just saying that as her friend.)

6. Shauna
Shauna and I used to work together at Hooters Air until the chlamydia outbreak. She’s broke and facing fraud charges, but that hasn’t stopped her from putting a bidet in her daughter’s tree house as a birthday present.