Don’t worry, rose lovers — it wasn’t Andi calling her parents in tears. Though who could blame her if she had, given that not one of the men thought to emerge from the limo in handcuffs and declare himself a “prisoner of love.” The Bachelorette is an Assistant District Attorney, for Pete’s sake! The possibilities are endless! Instead, though, we got a dude dragging a lamp from the hotel, and another guy who gave Andi a pair of pants so ugly they made Ames’ Nantucket reds look downright fashion-forward. Stay tuned for my full recap later tonight (UPDATE: Click over to read Kristen’s full Bachelorette season premiere recap and Chris Harrison’s Bachelorette blog), but if you’ve seen the first leg of Andi’s “journey” and simply must discuss the night’s burning questions (Why are there two guys with Tarzan hair? When will Casa Bachelor’s awesome security guard get his own reality show?) post your thoughts now!