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Sound Bites: May 16, 2014

Memorable lines from ”Fargo,” ”Modern Family,” and more

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“Mr. Edison gave me a C on my art project. My life is over! I mean: Goodbye, Princeton; hello, Brown.” —Hillary (Bailee Madison) on Trophy Wife

“Could I sit around in an empty house and wait for someone? Baby, I’m a Realtor — I have a license for that.” — Phil (Ty Burrell), agreeing to meet the washing-machine repairman, on Modern Family

“This week Amal Alamuddin, a brilliant Oxford-educated human rights lawyer and a former U.N. adviser, settled for a 52-year-old man.” —Cecily Strong, commenting on George Clooney’s engagement during “Weekend Update,” on Saturday Night Live

“I do some web design.” —Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield), to Harry Osborn (Dane DeHaan), in The Amazing Spider-Man 2

“Pretend I’m a 300-pound 9-year-old who can’t finish a sentence.” —Malvo (Billy Bob Thornton), ordering a high dose of Adderall from a drug dealer, on Fargo

“Forgive me, Father — since my last confession, I have taken the Lord’s name in vain many times and ordered the assassination of a dozen Scottish visitors.” —Queen Catherine (Megan Follows), confessing her sins, on Reign

“We’ll tell her I have capital D. No one questions that.” —Emma (Jessica St. Clair), trying to use fake diarrhea as an excuse to get out of having brunch with her ex’s wife, on Playing House

“That homeless guy is sleeping on my face. New York really is where dreams come true!” —Rachel (Lea Michele), passing a man snoozing on her Funny Girl poster, on Glee

“Forget Facebook. She hacked into your heart.” —Nev Schulman on Catfish: The TV Show