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Hit List: March 21, 2014

Ke$ha changes her name, Ashton Kutcher hates one-night stands, and more

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1. President Obama accidentally says R-S-P-E-C-T while praising Aretha Franklin at White House concert
“What an idiot!” chuckled George W. Bush to himself. “I can’t believe he forgot the K.”

2. Ke$ha drops $ from name
“What the — it’s happening to us, too!” shouted ASAP Rocky, Too Short, and Mase.

3. Two and a Half Men star Ashton Kutcher calls one-night stands ”gross”
Meanwhile, ex-Men star Charlie Sheen called them “long-term relationships that will have all sorts of ups and downs, breakups and reconciliations, copious stimulants, and perhaps even a 911 call or two.”

4. Ray Liotta sues skin-care company Nerium for using his image without permission in advertisement
And when his lawyers, when he assigned a whole army to stop Nerium, what’d he do? He made ’em settle.

5. E! greenlights first scripted series, The Royals, a drama about fictional British royal family set in current-day London and starring Elizabeth Hurley as the Queen
Was Keeping Up With the Kensingtons taken?

6. Pee-wee Herman’s red cruiser bike sold for $36,600 on eBay
Though suspicions were raised when the seller instructed the buyer to pick up the bike in the basement of the Alamo.

7. According to TMZ, Johnny Carson sex tape with one of his wives reportedly being shopped to private collectors
Heeeeeere’s his Johnny!

8. Chipotle sues Frank Ocean for reneging on deal to sing ”Pure Imagination” for commercial; Ocean posts image of $212,500 check to Tumblr in response
He also is countersuing for the fact that the last time he paid the $1.90 extra for guac on his carnitas bowl, they only gave him, like, a teaspoonful.