Hell hath no fury like a vampire, a teenage witch, an adult witch, a pregnant werewolf, and a human woman scorned. That’s basically what I took away from this episode. That, and the fact that Elijah’s attractiveness knows no bounds. Is it just me, or is he even prettier in 2014? It’s probably that he was in a T-shirt this episode. A T-shirt, you guys! So much for only wearing suits. But before I write this entire react about Elijah’s appearance — and I could — let’s get down to business … to defeat the Huns.
The episode opened back in 1751, with a tradition they called “the casket girls.” Essentially, women would come into New Orleans to find a gentleman, but instead, they were greeted with not-so-gentle men. Typical males, amirite ladies? Anyways, in 1751, Rebekah Mikaelson stepped in to kill all the filthy animals. As she put it, “Us girls have got to stick together.” Jump forward 263 years, and the casket girls still exist. Well, they exist in New Orleans, which means everyone dresses up in wedding dresses and drinks in the streets! It sounds fun, but Rebekah seemed to focus on the the idea that it was a yearly reminder of how women can be oppressed by selfish men, but also how they can triumph.
Getting into the spirit of the celebration, Hayley asked for Elijah’s assistance in zipping up her wedding dress (which she never wore again). Elijah — whose hair looked unbelievable and, as I mentioned earlier, was in a white T-shirt just waiting to get wet — offered to escort her to the event, but she thought it’d be best for him to focus on regaining Klaus’ trust. But just before he left, she asked him to unzip her dress. Did she just get him to zip the dress solely so he could unzip it and have dirty thoughts about her lower back (and things)? I think she did. Bravo, Hayley. Bravo.
Across town, Cami was in the middle of sweaty torture city as Davina erased Klaus’ compulsion from her brain. There was bleeding involved. It wasn’t pretty, but soon enough, Cami was finally caught up. Well, mostly. The good news is that she wasn’t the only one who was running behind. Klaus had just realized that Davina was missing. Cue the manly meeting! Marcel and Elijah came face-to-face in what might be the hottest exchange television has ever seen. Elijah muttering, “Can I suggest you take a step back?” in his condescending tone to Marcel just reminded me of why I love this man so much (apart from me being shallow and thinking he’s HAWT). However, minutes after their confrontation, Marcel and Elijah agreed to team up. Klaus couldn’t be trusted with trying to get Davina back. #TeamMelijah
With the women and men each teaming up, Sabine went straight to find Sophie and inform her that Davina was on the loose, a.k.a. she wouldn’t tell Marcel if they were doing magic. According to Sophie, she needed to find the remains of Elijah’s ex-love, Celeste, in order to gain enough power to complete the harvest ritual. She asked Hayley for her help in finding where Elijah buried Celeste, which Hayley gave after Sophie claimed her bloodline was the one that put the curse on her family. If Sophie was telling the truth, she can help Hayley’s family be human again (instead of being stuck in wolf form).
So while Hayley was busy ditching Klaus’ bodyguards and helping Sophie, Josh and Davina were busy stealing my heart. Best best friends ever? I think so. Also, I just love Josh. The kid made a Memento AND a Planes, Trains, and Automobiles reference. I mean, come on. But when Klaus kidnapped Tim, Davina’s crush, Josh quickly ditched the references in a moment of panic. He called to tell Davina about Tim, but D had bigger problems. The witches were coming! Sabine and three others found Davina and Cami at the church. They knocked out Cami before Davina picked up their hooded asses and snapped their necks. Talk about girl power!
Waiting for Davina’s arrival, Klaus enacted his favorite maudlin theatrics by having Tim play the fiddler on the roof. Literally, he was sitting on the roof as he played. But when Davina did show up, it wasn’t the discussion Klaus had been hoping for. Davina was on a power high. She brought Klaus to his hands and knees and forced him to semi-turn into a wolf. Then, she made Elijah choke on his own blood. The blood-soaked T-shirt wasn’t quite the wet T-shirt I was hoping for, but I guess I’ll take it? Then, before Davina could fall victim to Marcel’s sincere brown eyes, Rebekah showed up and stabbed him. It was time for a little girl talk.
Rebekah showed Davina Marcel’s garden to prove her point: The boys are bad. Sadly, Davina didn’t need the trip to learn that. Before she knew it, Tim had offered her a sip of water before realizing he’d been compelled. Both Tim and Davina collapsed from being poisoned. Luckily, Marcel had enacted a fail-safe. Flashback! Earlier, Marcel had gone to Sabine after she recovered from having her neck snapped by Davina. She had put a protection spell on herself, and Marcel got her to do the same for Davina just in case Klaus decided to, well, be Klaus. Flash forward! The protection spell worked, and Davina came back to life. Tim, however, did not. How sad was Davina’s cry? Ugh.
Overcome with exhaustion, Davina had to be carried home by Rebekah, where Marcel put her to bed. Just like that, everyone had left Klaus behind. He’d gone too far… again. Even Cami, the human, threatened to expose him if he ever hurt Davina or Josh. Sorry, Klaus. This is a woman’s world, and you’re just living in it. Speaking of which, new alliances are already being formed. Rebekah asked Thierry for his help taking back the city, with Davina as their woman on the inside. The battle of the sexes (plus Thierry) is on!
And finally, Hayley found Elijah and asked if everything was okay. “I’m better now,” he said as he gave her the world’s sexiest smirk. He was analyzing Davina’s drawings, thinking they were a premonition. And — no surprise here — the wise Elijah was right. The drawings came together to form Celeste’s face in the same moment that Sophie discovered her grave. Something sinister’s coming… in the form of Elijah’s sexy ex. Bet you regret helping Sophie now, huh Hayley?
So whose side are you on? Can Davina be stopped? And how amazing was Elijah’s enormous diary? Sound off in the comments below!
“It’s just me, don’t like melt me.” -Josh to Davina
“Apologies. I’ve been known to go too far to make a point.” -Klaus
“Well, isn’t this monumentally awkward.” -Elijah after the men were defeated by Davina