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Sofia Vergara: Don't Watch My New Show!

Sofia Vergara is wearing a new hat: executive producer; The ”Modern Family” actress is behind ”Killer Women,” an adaptation of an Argentine drama (debuting Jan. 7, 10 p.m., ABC) that stars Tricia Helfer as a striking Texas Ranger on the hunt for criminals, romance, and other dangerous things — it’s not for everyone, though; here, Vergara gives you a few good reasons not to watch the new series

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1. If you only like your crime-fighting Texas Rangers to be fully bearded and with very short legs like Chuck Norris, Ranger Molly Parker [Helfer] won’t do it for you. She’s not only drop-dead gorgeous, with the loooongest legs ever, but she also drops dirtbag criminals faster than a crazy Colombian after his third cup of coffee.

2. If you think women kill for the same reasons as men, or you like the typical crime shows made up of pure fantasy, you will be turned off by Killer Women. It’s loosely based on real cases, so you will learn women don’t kill for what they hate, but for what they love. And during stabbings, guys go at it just to kill and run away, while women stab until they have no more energy. Same thing with bullets and venom… This show is not for people afraid of the blunt reality that lipstick, guns, thongs, and passion can shock you with a smile.

3. If you miss the Ingallses on Little House on the Prairie, the Parker family may let you down. They shoot beer cans to pick who gets to chop the coleslaw, and, as descendants of Cynthia Ann Parker (Google her!), they are part-white, part-Comanche badasses. Their teen daughter calls her friends ho’s and dances to Selena songs at her quinceañera — with no braids but a tiara — while her mama sings.

4. If you are not the perfect man — nice, faithful, and generous — avoid watching Killer Women with your wife or girlfriend. She may get “ideas” that can land you floating in a pool of blood or buried under a rosebush.