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Apple's 'Misunderstood' iPhone 5S commercial: Wanna cry?

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Uh oh. You better sack up and secretly edit poignant home movies on your iPhones, pouty teens!

Apple’s new 90-second Christmas commercial just had me sobbing into my own iPhone as I went about my usual antisocial business of splaying out on the couch, ignoring this great big wondrous world around me, and playing with filters on Instagram. Here’s how good Apple commercials are: I didn’t even need to see this one to know I was already obsessed with it — much like your sulky teen won’t ever need to make real eye contact with his relatives to know and eventually show that he loves them (if you’re lucky) (and if you’ve purchased him an iPhone 5S).

Obviously, I did look up at one point… then replayed this commercial again and again. You wanna cry?

Apple’s “Misunderstood” iPhone ad, first aired Monday, December 16, 2013:

And here’s the full “A Harris Family Holiday” home movie:

A Festival of Highlights!

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Here’s the Sulkster in his natural habitat — note the wrapped present in his aura. He is the gift, it will turn out. You just have to let him not talk at all to his relatives and stare at a pricey toy throughout the most wonderful time of the year. But with the right AirPlay technology, he’ll have the power to delete days, perhaps months of your incredible frustration via two glorious minutes of deftly edited family footage.

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I love Dad’s “Again with the f—ing electronics?” full-body jerk….

….the entire family’s suspicion he’s about to punk them with Vine After Dark….

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…and their GREAT relief when his magical iPhone video is not porn.

*MILD SOB ALERT*

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See, you think The Sulkster is hating life here, but really….

….he was cultivating the perfect camera angle on his iPhone 5S (and probably hating life)!

Nice snowball effect….

Roll that beautiful sock footage!

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This is just a sweet shot.

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Aww, I’m so bored for him here.

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Wriggling baby!

I saw Grandma Kissing Grandpa Because I Like to Watch

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The Sulkster’s confused little sister thinks this is her new iPhone.

Grandma makes the video again!

***SEVERE SOB ALERT***

YES. Grandma Tears coupled with a sweet Christmas vest make this the real climax for me.

Even the sulkiest of sulksters will smile for a selfie!

Mom cries. My child’s not a monster after all….

Jason Taylor, Dancing With the Stars

You’re right, mom! Don’t read my Twitter feed! #UghMyFamily

*TAKE A DEEP BREATH; YOU CAN’T. BLOW YOUR NOSE.*

YES. May the force of a solid dad hug be with you….

….(and also) to you.

Are you as obsessed with this commercial as I am? Do you feel as much pressure as I do to vastly improve your iPhone video-editing skills by Christmas morning? And to avoid that icky feeling, might you consider just communicating out loud to your relatives instead?

I THINK NOT!