We gave it a B-
How can so many talented people work on such a goofy movie? Saturn 3 (1980, 1 hr., 28 mins., R) is a generally forgotten bit of Alien afterbirth made to shamelessly capitalize on the success of that film, but it features the handiwork of people far above its critical pay grade. Kirk Douglas, Farrah Fawcett, and Harvey Keitel make up the small cast, and a script by Martin Amis (yes, that Martin Amis) was directed by Stanley Donen, the man behind Singin’ in the Rain and Funny Face. The result, however — about a couple’s Edenic lunar laboratory being invaded by a murderous overseer and his robo-companion — is less prestige than pure cheese.
Characters have to deliver lines like ”When they want to give the solar system an enema, that’s where you stick the tube in,” and Keitel’s entire performance was redubbed by an actor doing a mid-Atlantic accent instead of the Mean Streets star’s distinctive Brooklyn-marinated mumble mouth. In a deleted scene featured among the EXTRAS, Fawcett and Douglas take the space equivalent of Ecstasy (a pill that resembles a blue peanut M&M) while she dons the outlandish outfit pictured at left. Saturn 3 is no masterpiece, but it’s still a hilarious oddity, beamed to Earth on its own wavelength. B-