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Sound Bites: November 8, 2013

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“I am not a sexual lemon!” —Dr. Austin Langham (Teddy Sears), regarding his performance problem, on Masters of Sex

“If they poop, it would smell a lot like my bathroom.” —Marilyn Manson, hypothesizing about the bathroom habits of zombies, on AMC’s Talking Dead

“You told your parents about me?” —Jane Foster (Natalie Portman), to Thor (Chris Hemsworth), in Thor: The Dark World

“I’m a monstrous @JamieDornan1 fan. Wasn’t allowed to be attracted to him on The Fall bc he played a sex murderer. 50 Shades is my big chance!” —Lena Dunham, tweeting her reaction to news that Jamie Dornan will replace Charlie Hunnam as Christian Grey in the movie adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey

“Your wind had hands? My shower curtain had shoulders.” —Caleb (Tyler Blackburn), after being attacked by a ghost, on Ravenswood

“If I had a secret family, why would I be standing here talking to you people?” —Murray (Jeff Garlin), when his kids accuse him of leading a double life, on The Goldbergs

“This coven doesn’t need a new Supreme… It needs a new rug.” —Fiona (Jessica Lange), upon slitting potential successor Madison’s (Emma Roberts) throat, on American Horror Story: Coven

“Lady Gaga, One Direction, and Miley Cyrus were all nominated for YouTube’s first annual music awards. Though it’ll be embarrassing when they all lose to a guy who played ‘Get Lucky’ with armpit farts.” —Jimmy Fallon on Late Night

“I’m telling you, like, my brain is just expanding when I get older. I just feel more wiser and smarter.” —Snooki, explaining how she’s changed, in the season premiere of Snooki & JWoww

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