1. Kanye West proposes to Kim Kardashian
It was sort of a rebound thing after the mirror said no.
2. Metallica to play gig in Antarctica
The band has been warned to expect a muted reception, as the sound of gloved hands and penguin flippers clapping is not that impressive.
3. Duck Dynasty: Battle of the Beards game released for iPhone and iPad
If you make it to level 20, you can have the Robertsons face off against the Red Sox in a game of “Trap the most food particles in your beard.”
4. Prince invites fans to his Minneapolis-area studio for concert and breakfast
Raspberry Beignet was apparently a big hit with the crowd.
5. NBC buys drama about four people who receive organ transplants from superhero and develop powers
Meet the new generation of caped crusaders: Bladder Boy! Large Intestine Larry! Dr. Trachea! And…Mega Spleen?
6. British tab says supertankers in African waters now blasting Britney Spears songs to deter Somali pirates
Not only has this tactic proved to be effective, the humpback-whale population is on the rise — they seem to enjoy synchronized swim-mating to “I’m a Slave 4 U.”
7. The Voice judge CeeLo Green charged with giving Ecstasy to woman, pleads not guilty
“Police! Drop the E and turn around in your chair slowly!”
8. Pauly D’s pal on news that Jersey Shore star fathered baby girl after one-night stand: ”God works in mysterious ways”
We also would have accepted “There is no God.”
9. Analysts estimate there are 30 million-plus Netflix subscribers, eclipsing HBO’s 28.7 mil
The streaming service expects to pass the 50 million mark once you all stop using your cousin’s account and sign up for your own.
10. High school chemistry teacher in legal trouble for taking students to strip club
His lawyers will employ the “Have you seen Breaking Bad? This could have been a lot worse” defense.