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'Dancing With the Stars': Season 17 is liiiiiiive!

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Welcome back, DANCMSTRs! Who’s still with me? It’s hard to believe I’m still with me — back for a 17th go-round of Celebriquarium-gazing, ozone-infiltrating spray tans, and boob tape. There is so much boob tape in the world — most of it on Planet Mirrorballus. I’m so glad it gets its chance to properly shine. (On the inside. Like my gem-encrusted heart. #SPARKLEBARF)Discuss tonight’s Dancing With the Stars season 17 premiere here, and stay tuned for my full episode recap later on!

Gem announcement: DANCMSTRs, I’m sorry to say that EW.com’s Hidden Gems will be presented in a much more limited capacity this season. With the lack of a results show on Tuesday, I won’t be able to spend nearly as much time on Dancing stuff on non-Mondays. I’ll certainly keep an eye out for a few gems to include in my weekly recaps — so go ahead and nominate yours here if you still want to. I like to think the gem-hunting spirit shall never ITSELF diminish even if the H.G. franchise’s production values do. Again, I do apologize. Blame ABC!

Which foxtrot, cha cha, or contemporary routine was your favorite tonight? Discuss!

UPDATE: Season 17 premiere recap: A Little Party Never Killed Nobody