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Hit List: August 9, 2013

NBC’s ”The Celebrity Apprentice” goes on hiatus, Jay Z claims his presence is charity, and more

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1. NBC won’t announce a new season of The Celebrity Apprentice until there’s a ”restocking of the celebrity pond”
And when it is restocked, an interesting idea for the next season might be to actually try fishing in it this time.

2. MTV to air ”revealing” documentary on Miley Cyrus, who is seen naked in melanoma awareness campaign
”Okay, okay…I’ll see your nude pose and raise you another nude pose and a video of me getting my septum pierced,” Lady Gaga may have said to herself this week.

3. After Harry Belafonte accuses Jay Z of turning his back on social responsibility, Jay Z responds: ”This is going to sound arrogant, but my presence is charity”
I’m not saying that comment was egotistical, but Kanye took a moment to look away from the mirror to cringe into the camera he’d hired to film him looking in the mirror.

4. Jane Austen to appear on £10 banknotes in England
How to tell if it’s an authentic bill: If you get it wet, Colin Firth will suddenly appear, emerging from a lake wearing a drenched, see-through shirt.

5. Man buys storage container at 1989 blind auction for under $100, gets submarine car from James Bond film The Spy Who Loved Me, which is now expected to net $1 million
Alas, the other container he bought was rigged with pocket mousetraps from Diamonds Are Forever, which are now being surgically removed from his hands.

6. ESPN, NBC working on competing documentaries about Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan pegged to 20th anniversary of assault
Only NBC has a confirmed interview with Kerrigan, though, and all information beyond that is on a knee-to-know basis.

7. Male middle school teacher forced to resign for appearing shirtless and flashing abs on Princesses: Long Island series
We would’ve also accepted ”Male middle school teacher forced to resign for appearing on Princesses: Long Island.”

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