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Royal Freak-Out! A Baby Is Born

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, Prince William and Kate Middleton, welcome their first son

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Kate Middleton entered the hospital through the side entrance of the Mary Stanford building. Delivering in a private suite at London’s St. Mary’s can run around $9,000 a night. Husband Prince William, 31, was in the room; sister Pippa Middleton, 29, was not. These are just a few of the useless factoids regurgitated ad nauseam by the networks as they tried desperately to break news about water breaking. But — huzzah — at 4:24 p.m. local time on July 22, the Duchess of Cambridge, 31, gave birth to His Royal Highness Prince Something or Other of Cambridge, weighing in at a regal 8 pounds and 6 ounces. (There was no name as of press time, but it’s got to be better than North West. I’ma let you finish, Kanye, but Kate Middleton just gave birth to one of the best babies of all time.) Everyone from Shonda Rimes to Snooki tweeted their best wishes, but no word yet from Prince Harry, who got demoted to fourth in line for the throne by a little guy who won’t be able to hold his head up, much less go to the loo on his own, for quite some time. So congratulations, royal family, and uh, sorry, Harry!