There are few cultural signifiers more classic Americana than apple pie, Chevrolets, capitalism, and baseball. But once in a while, a reality TV show enters our prime-time sphere and leaves American vernacular forever changed (and a tad orange-er). After all, what’s more American than washboard abs, a disdain for the proper usage of nouns, tanning beds, the beach, and non-grenade girls?
The answer is nada, if The Situation could have a say in this situation.
In addition to the birth of this fine country, The Situation (real name: Michael Sorrentino), star of The Jersey Shore, turns a crisply tanned 32 years old today.
Thus, here’s a totally scientific linguistic analysis of his best quote-ables to celebrate the bard of the Jersey Shore.
He’s a masterful logician: “If you don’t go to the gym, you don’t look good. If you don’t tan, you’re pale! And if you don’t do laundry, you ain’t got no clothes!”
And in case elementary logic isn’t your strength, The Situation also proselytizes in acronym form: “How do you get the best results? GTL, baby. Gym. Tan. Laundry. Because if everything’s put together, you feel great, you look great: awesome night.”
He’s so meta (and extra hygienic): “I got the fresh-to-death kicks on. I got some jeans on. And I got the shirt, but I ain’t wearing the shirt when I go out. This is the shirt before the shirt.”
He’s also self-aware (in an unabashed, full-fledged narcissistic, as evidenced by self-reference to Jesus and overuse of third person pronoun kinda-way): “Back in the day, they had the prophecy that one day there would be the pimp of all pimps, and his name would be The Situation.”
Happy Birthday, The Situation!
Americuh and American lexicon will never be the same.