Walter White’s journey into darkness is nearing its conclusion, as AMC rolls out the first of Breaking Bad‘s final eight episodes on Aug. 11. How will the acclaimed drug drama wrap up? Will Bryan Cranston’s meth kingpin pay dearly for his doings of evil? Or will he continue to be the one who knocks until his arm gets really tired? All options are on the table. And in EW’s Summer Must List issue, we asked three celebrity fans — Conan O’Brien, Elizabeth Banks, and Adam Scott — to indulge us by imagining the ending of the show. What follows is the slightly expanded version of O’Brien’s vision, which combines a shocking transformation, a cross-species alliance, some great literature, a little murder and… well, scroll down to read it:
We all know that Gus Fring didn’t die — he crawled to safety and, using Los Pollos Hermanos chicken batter, reconstructed his face. With his partner Mike dead, Chicken Face Fring teams with the tortoise carrying the severed head. Together, this unlikely pair murder Hank as he sits on a toilet, searching for more clues in the complete works of Emily Dickinson. They kill Jesse at the groundbreaking of his “Yo Bitch” Frozen Yogurt for Women shop, while Walt escapes and flees to a remote Caribbean island where he beats cancer, only to be eaten by a shark with cancer. Fring and the Head-Tortoise inherit the car wash, marry, and you can follow their mishaps in the Breaking Bad spin-off Tortuga and Me.
Danny Trejo, call your agent! We’re getting the tortoise back together! (It may take awhile as that explosion kinda blew him to bits.)