1. Vacation reboot starring Ed Helms delayed over creative differences
Journalists camped outside the production offices were informed: ”Sorry, folks, project’s slowed. Moose out front shoulda told you.”
2. Jason Segel to co-write kids’-book series called Nightmares!
One of the books is based on a recurring bad dream in which everyone’s laughing at him as he’s standing in front of the class with all of his clothes on.
3. Cops recover Quentin Tarantino’s red ’64 Chevy from Pulp Fiction that was stolen almost two decades ago
You should’ve seen the size of the adrenaline needle they needed to start that thing again.
4. Snoop Lion seems to confirm Miley Cyrus/Liam Hemsworth split: ”I know that she had a relationship that no longer exists”
After a few more tokes, Snoop also revealed the location of Amelia Earhart’s plane, Nefertiti’s tomb, and the Holy Grail (turns out, not mythical!).
5. In wake of unsightly Super Bowl photos, Beyoncé reportedly bars photographers from tour
”If you liked it, then you shoulda put a filter on it,” she sang-explained.
6. Michael Bublé surprises Manhattan subway riders by singing song from new album
It seemed to be a big hit, judging by the shrieking businesswomen and the homeless man who redirected his urine stream away from Bublé.
7. Ryan Lochte says he turned down Dancing With the Stars and The Bachelor
This year. Let us stress: this year.
8. Zach Braff raises more than $2 million on Kickstarter to finance new film
Before you get upset that a celebrity is crowdfunding his movie, understand that $1 million of it will go toward paying for his walk-on role in the Veronica Mars movie.
9. Senior-citizen couple in Sweden face harassment charges after blasting Iron Maiden to exact revenge on neighbor
Asked why they didn’t try Nickelback, they paused and said, ”We’re not monsters.”