? Jennifer Aniston on ultimately false rumor of Friends reunion: ”Did Matthew Perry start that?” ”Jeez, could I get credit for something just once?” sighed Gunther to Marcel, who nodded politely while grooming himself.
? Disney says it will release one Star Wars movie a year beginning in 2015 ”The Force will be with you, always” is kind of starting to sound like a threat.
? Ozzy posts on Facebook that he’s 44 days sober, refutes divorce rumors, apologizes for being ”a–hole” So, to recap, Ozzy has learned how to use Facebook.
? President Obama says White House has ”better things to do” than get involved in Jay-Z and Beyoncé’s trip to Cuba But he admitted NORAD scrambled four jets when they heard Lindsay Lohan was headed to Coachella.
? Charlie Brown film adaptation to be released in 3-D Audiences will be given Snoopy flying-ace 3-D goggles and, when Pig-Pen comes onto the screen, moist towelettes.
? After sleeping in glass case for MoMA exhibit, Tilda Swinton poses with centipedes on her face for fashion-mag shoot As of press time, Swinton was being classified as 49 percent James Franco, 47 percent Lady Gaga, and 4 percent other/no clue.
? Michael Bay apologizes for Armageddon Oh my God! He can hear us! Quick! Somebody bring up Transformers!
? Children’s-book parody Go the F–k to Sleep to become film If my math is correct, that means the sorority girl’s email about Sigma Nu is at least getting a reality show.
? In new poll, Anne Hathaway’s pixie cut voted most influential onscreen haircut of all time The results came as a shock to Yahoo Serious.
? Dennis Rodman says FBI used him as intelligence source A spokesperson for the Female Body Inspector totally backed up Rodman’s claim.