Hollywood is making the low-blow a higher art form.
That’s one way to look at the escalation of exotic testicle mayhem on the preview screens at CinemaCon, the Las Vegas convention where studios show theater exhibitors the next big thing in film entertainment.
Judging by the first two days of presentations, it’s clear that Hollywood will be keeping its eye on the ball through the end of 2014. Consider:
In 2 Guns, due in August from Universal, Denzel Washington plays an undercover DEA agent who makes off with $43 million in a bank heist. Kidnapped and bound to a chair, Washington’s character is encouraged to reveal the loot’s location by a malevolent rival (played by Bill Paxton) who nuzzles a revolver between the agent’s legs. “It ain’t down there,” Washington says, “I can guarantee you that.”
In Paramount’s Despicable Me 2, arriving July 2, the endearing evil mastermind Gru (Steve Carrell) is playing spy when he meets an unusual enemy: an attack chicken. The feathered enemy gets into cockfighting mode and locks his beak on Gru’s nether regions. At one point the fowl’s head is jutting out of Gru’s pants, allowing him to choke the chicken.
In We’re the Millers, due Aug. 9, a fake family takes an RV trip to Mexico to bring back enough pot to “kill Willie Nelson.” They meet plenty of problems along the way, including a tarantula attack. Actor Will Poulter plays the victim who is afraid to look when the crawling critter bites him where the sun doesn’t shine. Instead, he shows his costars (and the audience) by dropping trou and showing a grotesquely swollen testicle already starting to produce puss. There’s some full frontal you don’t see everyday.
In Paramount’s Pain and Gain, the deliriously violent Michael Bay film due on April. 26, Anthony Mackie plays a bodybuilder whose sexual performance has been affected by his steroid use. No problem. A clinic worker played by Rebel Wilson promises “penis magic,” right before plunging a giant silver syringe in the muscle-man’s most sensitive region.
In Kick-Ass 2, due in August, Jim Carrey plays Captain Stars and Stripes, a mad-dog street vigilante who trains a German Shepard to go for the crotch of sex offenders. In footage, Carrey shouts the command-word (“Schwanz!”) and them giggles as his canine pal pounces on a screaming criminal. “There’s a dog on your balls.”