Batman is scary because he’s covered in bulletproof armor and small, sharp arm-knives that are perfect for killing, but he’s good because he doesn’t kill people, no matter the number of times that his sharp, bulletproof fists hit their bodies. It’s like his one rule.
This half-baked pretzel logic gets a fully-baked skewering courtesy of CollegeHumor, in which we learn that — true story — the criminals of Gotham just go to sleep after a hard night fighting superheroes, flesh wounds to the contrary. Does Batman not know what death is? “I totally know what it is,” he says, “Don’t be stupid … My parents were shot, yes, but they’re alive on a special farm.” Patton Oswalt co-stars as the malformed villain. Several buckets of blood cameo.
Watch the video, a Front Page Films production, below. Check out the rest of their Batman repertoire (I’m partial to “Batman Interrogation”) if you’ve got a free hour to not-kill.