As Alice Roosevelt Longworth — and Olympia Dukakis in Steel Magnolias — once said, “If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.”
Some days, it feels like that quote could serve as Twitter’s official motto. Take Shia LaBeouf, for instance. Since exiting the Broadway production of Orphans over “creative differences” with co-star Alec Baldwin, the two actors have waged a Cold War that is beginning to really heat up. One day after Baldwin responded to a LaBeouf tweet about the nature of theater with a dismissive slam, LaBeouf took to Twitter again to share two e-mail strings that attempt to portray Baldwin as unprepared for their rehearsals.
Things We Learned:
1. Director Daniel Sullivan, a.k.a. Sulyboy, suspected that Baldwin might not be off-book from Day 1.
2. Shia sees himself as a hustler of some sort, and he thought the best way to endear himself to his new 54-year-old costar was to point out how much younger and more vigorous he is at age 26.
3. If you ever sent an email to Shia LaBeouf, it will eventually be tweeted when he gets mad at you or someone you know.
4. Don’t ever call Alec Baldwin “chief,” lest he upbraid you with an email that all the sarcastic “hahahahahas” in the world can’t soften. No joke, I think that chilling email might be a good 94 percent of the reason LaBeouf bailed when he did.
Actually, LaBeouf’s attempt to paint Baldwin as unprepared fits into the Tony-nominated star’s description of his stage prep. While flicking away LaBeouf’s previous stage theories to Vulture, Baldwin said, “It’s a really very, very long, slow, deliberate — it’s the opposite of film acting. It’s a much more intensive and kind of thoughtful process. And there are people who that’s just not their thing.”
Baldwin did not immediately respond to EW’s request for comment, but this is where we stand, if you’re keeping score at home. Despite departing on cordial terms — according to emails, at least — and vows to keep things professional, the silverback and his young challenger can’t seem to let their “creative differences” go. If this keeps up at this pace, I expect the most delicious film adaptation in 2033 about the failed Orphans pairing in the cinematic vein of My Week With Marilyn. By then, Shia could play the Alec “I’m not your f-ckin’ chief” Baldwin role.