For generations, the Great Minds of our world asked themselves: “Wouldn’t it be great if there was a machine that could take pictures of your inane life, give you up-to-the-second directions so you never need to understand how to read a map again, and show you photos of tiger heads so you can carve an ice block into a tiger head?” And lo, thus it came to pass that — in the first decade of the third millennium A.D. — the market was positively besieged with magical picture-taking, map-replacing, tiger-head-picture-discovering devices. Smartphones. Tablets. Phone tablets. Tabphones. But that was not enough for the Great Minds. (It never is.)
So, the anti-evil crusaders at Google have created Google Glass, a futuristic visor which is basically a smartphone mashed with hipster glasses. Google Glass finally completes our race’s journey from the physical to the metaphysical, replacing the boring old concrete world with a land of picture-in-picture pop-ups. A new video released by Google reveals that the glasses are voice-activated; since Glass is currently slated to arrive in early 2014, that means we have exactly one more year of serenity before half the people in the civilized world start just randomly yelling out “Okay, Glass: Take a picture!” because they saw a cute cat doing something cute and they want to share that cuteness with their friends.
According to the video, Google Glass will be used exclusively by ballet dancers, skydivers, acrobats, equestrians, ice sculpturists, skiiers, table tennis players, and people who really really like aquariums. Not shown in the video is the inevitable future world of like 2017, when Google Glass starts beaming advertisements for “Premium Handmade Sushi” and “Investment Bank Bootcamp” right into your retinas. In conclusion: Woohoo, future.
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