Hillary Busis
February 14, 2013 AT 02:36 PM EST

The art of seduction isn’t hard to master — as long as you’re a handsome, cultured, multilingual Oscar winner like Christoph Waltz. But thanks to the actor’s new (fake) guide to pickup artistry, even regular, American-accented Joe Hamburgers can learn how to seduce and destroy like ladies’ man Waltz.

The method is a simple three-pronged plan, easily absorbed by buying Waltz’s 30-DVD, nine-book course (also comes with a bottle of the Django Unchained star’s own pit sweat; only €69, or $91.95!). Of course, you could also just skip all that and get your Valentine’s Day started right by watching the video below.

Read more:

Christoph Waltz stars in surprisingly nonviolent ‘SNL’ promos — VIDEO

Jennifer Lawrence, two shots in, discusses her uneven breasts on ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live’ — VIDEO

Inside the Best Picture nominees: A deep dive into ‘Django Unchained’

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