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Dan Snierson's Hit List: Feb. 15 2013

Justin Bieber, ”30 Rock” ice cream, and a Chinese version of ”Friends”

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? Ben & Jerry’s to sell 30 Rock-themed ”Liz Lemon Greek Frozen Yogurt”

Let’s hope it tastes better than their last collaboration with NBC: ”Lester Holt’s DateLime.”

 

? Three-week ”Oscar Roadtrip” kicks off, in which fans across the country can hold genuine statuette

For those seeking a slightly more glamorous way of contracting the flu than from the escalator railing at Bloomingdale’s.

 

? China to launch version of Friends called Planet Homebuddies

The series finale ends with Ross and Rachel searching for each other in different knockoff IKEAs.

 

? Do No Harm

Or ratings.

 

? Tool announce delay in recording album after band member injures shoulder and ribs in ”minor” scooter accident

Scooter accident? Even ”beaten up by tiny, creepy, stop-motion clay man” sounds a little more badass.

 

? Justin Bieber’s Believe Acoustic released, featuring new song ”Nothing Like Us” with lyrics ”Nothing can ever, ever replace you/Nothing can make me feel like you do”

He’s clearly lamenting the loss of Selena Gomez. Or a Mini Teddy Grahams Snak-Sak.

 

? Fox to revive plastic-surgery makeover series The Swan as special…with celebrity contestants

The first one to complete 25 above-neck procedures will quietly replace Joan Rivers on E!.

 

? Jason London arrested for assault and disorderly conduct, while brother Jeremy’s domestic-violence charges dropped

”Yeah, we had one of those good news/bad news weeks too,” nodded the Harbaugh brothers.

 

? Kris Jenner to host chat show, aims to ”put a new spin on the talk show”

In addition to a downward spiral?

 

? Now retiring from action movies, Jackie Chan appointed to Chinese government advisory board

It’s actually a ceremonial job. He’s mostly just there to consult on Planet Homebuddies.