This holiday season, we’re presenting you with the gift that keeps on giving… a guide to Christmas Eve TV marathons. From TBS’ annual 24-hour A Christmas Story marathon (this year marks the marathon’s 15th anniversary) to Bravo’s 11 hours of The Real Housewives of Orange County (from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.), there’s something out there for holiday purists and holiday Grinches alike.
In addition to TBS’ 24-hour Christmas Story fest, starting at 8 p.m., AMC has lined up a full day of holiday programming from 9:15 a.m. to tomorrow at 2 a.m. With specials including All I Want for Christmas, A Christmas Carol, and Miracle on 34th Street, you’ll be able to fulfill your yuletide quota in a single sitting. Over at ABC Family — a.k.a. Christmas central — The Santa Clause trilogy starring Tim Allen will be broadcast from 3 to 9 p.m. The only thing the films are missing is a sage advice-doling, wisecracking neighbor. Allen’s character Scott Calvin could have really used a Wilson during the man-to-Santa transition period.
On your long-deserved day off, it’s only fitting that you watch reality shows about unconventional jobs. If you’re in the mood for “Chinese turkey,” join the duck party on A&E. Catch up on Duck Dynasty — the network’s most popular show — with this mini-marathon from 8 p.m. to tomorrow at 4 a.m. The wealthy Christian family of Louisiana woodworkers are akin to the holy family, after all. It may be too early to get drunk, but you can live vicariously through your favorite Moonshiners on Discovery from 9 a.m. to tomorrow at 3 a.m. To prepare yourself to receive that rare antique gift tomorrow, watch 20 hours worth of History’s Pawn Stars (beginning at 8 a.m.), about your favorite 24-hour pawn shop. If these jobs aren’t quirky enough for your taste, TLC is offering a 13-hour marathon (from 2 p.m. to 3 a.m.) of Long Island Medium. The special also includes a catch-up session with past clients, an audience Q&A, and new footage from past episodes. Okay, so a pastry chef isn’t an odd job, but Cake Boss will be a treat in between the Southern booze and blues. Watch Buddy and the crew whip up delicious concoctions from 6 a.m. to 2 p.m. on TLC.
For a full day of maniacal merriment, flip to TNT for The Mentalist from 12 to 8 p.m. or USA for NCIS from 8 a.m. to 7 p.m. It’s a tough call between these two crime procedurals so you have to ask yourself, “Am I in the mood for Patrick Jane (Simon Baker) or Anthony DiNozzo (Michael Weatherly)?” Both tough, steely men are softies at heart, so you can’t go wrong.
For the game lover: After a Minute to Win It marathon from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m., GSN will air six straight hours of Family Feud. What better way to bond with your brood over the holidays than by watching other families make fools of themselves on national TV? You’ll more intelligent after an hour of programming.
For the science fiction lover: Science’s Firefly spree from 7 a.m. to tomorrow at 2 a.m. is the way to go. Make sure to have a pen and paper handy to jot down some of those Chinese profanities.
For the sitcom lover: Sure, she may have recently gone nuts, but Roseanne Barr was historical in Roseanne. Catch the Conners on WE from 10 a.m. to tomorrow at 5:30 a.m.
For the history buff: Before watching Quentin Tarantino’s revenge fantasy/slave drama Django Unchained (in theaters Christmas day), check out the miniseries Roots on BET from 8 a.m. to 11 p.m. for a more historically-accurate take.
For the voyeurs: If watching people squirm is your pastime, then Undercover Boss (11 a.m. to tomorrow at 2 a.m. on DFH) is the TV marathon for you. You might want to keep it to a minimum though or you’ll be paranoid all day at work come Dec. 26.