Happy birthday, Google!
You’re turning 14 today, which means that you’ve been a teenager for one year. But I’m loving that instead of search engine rebelling, you’re just creating more cool features, whether that be Bacon Numbers or Google Doodles.
Besides those new updates, I want to personally thank you for 14 things you’ve helped me out with over the years.
1.) Last-minute research: Lord knows I got through college Sociology courses thanks to “Google Scholar.”
2.) Sports knowledge: Ref lock out? What does that mean? Now even I know.
3.) I know how to correctly spell “Kardashian.”
4.) I don’t need a calculator anymore.
5.) Or a calendar.
6.) Is Lady Gaga a man? Are Rob and Kristen back together? The world demanded answers to these and a zillion other weird and embarrassing questions, and you were there for us.
7.) Fake my way through technical knowledge (i.e: How to install a television).
8.) I know how to get from point A to point B (Theoretically…)
9.) You learned I can’t spell, so I’m grateful for your mocking-but-necessary “Did you mean…?”
10.) You allowed me to assure myself that my favorite celebrities weren’t yet dead, as reported on Twitter.
11.) Instantly finding as many hot N*SYNC pictures for my middle-school locker as needed. (JT 4EVA!)
12.) Locating a hamburger for under $10.
13.) The superior feeling of allowing me to yell at ignorant people, “Google it!” (This all helps with proving know-it-alls wrong).
14.) Replacing Ask Jeeves. That was a weird time.