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'New Girl': Schmidt joins TV's phallic injuries club

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Schmidt
Fox

When New Girl returns tonight, Schmidt (Max Greenfield) finally gets his penis cast removed. In honor of that glorious occasion — we’re looking back at the worst phallic injuries on TV.

The dissed member: Meredith’s (Ellen Pompeo) one-night-stand Steve Murphy (Sunkrish Bala) on Grey’s Anatomy

When: Season 2, episode 10

What happened? After sleeping with Meredith, Steve develops a priapism — otherwise known as an erection that lasts longer than four hours.

Recovery time: By the end of the episode, Derek (Patrick Dempsey) has Steve’s problem figured out. Turns out, it was all in his head. (Seriously, it was a neurological disorder.)

The dissed member: Dr. Mark Sloan (Eric Dane) on Grey’s Anatomy

When: Season 5, episode 13

What happened? A little on-call room action with Lexie (Chyler Leigh) left little Mark Sloan “bent in the middle.”

Recovery time: Dr. Hunt (Kevin McKidd) clears Sloan for sexual duty in the next episode .

The dissed member: Schmidt on New Girl

When: Season 1, episode 22

What happened? Having sex with CeCe’s (Hannah Simone) rough Russian roommate caused Schmidt’s Schmidt to break.

Recovery time: It’s safe to say that Schmidt will be back in the saddle after four episodes — since he is throwing a party to celebrate his newly healed junk in New Girl’s season premiere

The dissed member: Joe Eskandarian (Amir Arison) on American Horror Story

When: Season 1, episode 7

What happened? Upon learning that the real estate marketing developer has plans to tear down the murder house, young Moira (Alexandra Breckenridge) seduces Mr. Eskandarian. But it’s old Moira (Frances Conroy) who pulls a Lorena Bobbitt on her victim.

Recovery time: Never — he died.

Are we forgetting any? Tell us below!

Related:

‘New Girl’: Schmidt as a Jewish assassin! Magic Mike! Mark Zuckerberg

Penile fracture on ‘Grey’s Anatomy’: What we learned

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