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Jimmy Kimmel's best Emmy jokes

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Kimmel Host

Jimmy Kimmel took the stage at the Nokia Theater in Los Angeles on Sunday night as host of the 64th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards. His opening four-minute monologue including taking shots at Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney and Mad Men star Jon Hamm’s Emmy losing streak. Here are Kimmel’s strongest jokes — so far:

— “Downton Abbey is an amazing show … it really gives you a sense of what it must have been like to grow up in Mitt Romney’s house.”

— [After surveying how many in the Emmy audience were Republicans]: “Forty Republicans and the rest are godless liberal homosexuals. See that’s why Kelsey Grammer didn’t come tonight.”

— “Being a Republican in Hollywood is like being a Chick-fil-A sandwich on the snack table at Glee.”

— “Television is an American institution, yet one out of every five actors here tonight is British. I guess we’re supposed to award them because they went to Royal Shakespeare Academy and ours were discovered at the mall.”

— “Does it bother anybody else that President Obama said his favorite show is Homeland? I don’t think the president should be watching Homeland for the same reason Charlie Sheen shouldn’t be watching Breaking Bad.”

— [After referencing HBO’s cancelled horse-racing drama Luck, which was axed after several horses died on the set]: “If you’re going to the HBO [Emmy] after-party, don’t eat the sliders.”

— “Jon Hamm, you gave a tremendous performance this year, and I, for one, am shocked you didn’t win tonight … Too soon?”

— “None of the four major networks were nominated in the drama category. The Academy is sending a pretty clear message and that message is: Show us your boobs.”

— “Tonight you’ll be asked to perform your most challenging role yet, that of an actor who’s happy for the success of another actor.”

— “I think I hear some stomachs rumbling, would anybody like to trade an Emmy for a hot pocket?”

— “I saw [Jon Stewart] backstage and saw him throw his Emmy into the garbage — something to remember next year.”


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