1. Adam Levine on past relationships with women: ”Maybe the reason I was promiscuous, and wanted to sleep with a lot of them, is that I love them so much”
Every guy in America: ”Yeah…what he said.”
2. History’s Hatfields & McCoys miniseries becomes highest-rated basic-cable entertainment programming ever
Ironically enough, it just barely topped a special on that other famous feud: The Real Housewives & Their Eyebrows.
3. About 70 people receive medical treatment after Justin Bieber concert in Norway
Wusses! Over here we just suffer some light nausea.
4. The Devil Wears Prada to get a sequel in 2013, 10 years after release of original novel
There will be a few adjustments to reflect the new austerity. For example: Miranda now wears Sofia Vergara’s Kmart collection.
5. Clint Eastwood’s daughter, photographer boyfriend reportedly receive death threats after burning $100K Hermès Birkin handbag as art
Due to the backlash, their next project will be the slightly tamer ”Make My Decoupage.”
6. Ninth grader at Malibu High School reports teacher to police, alleging she said, ”Did you see Bridesmaids?” before slapping her in face for forgetting her notebook
Judging by the faculty-lounge sink, the teacher was pretty upset too.
7. Anthony Bourdain leaving Travel Channel for CNN to host globe-trotting food-based show
Travel Channel is already scrambling to fill the hole, wooing Larry King to host Man v. Prune.
8. Megan Fox gets French magazine to issue retraction for her quote ”I would not trade my place with an unattractive girl”
So nice to see the hot girl finally win one!
9. Tia Carrere’s purse, two iPhones, and cash stolen at Dancing With the Stars: Live in Las Vegas
Detectives have no leads on why Tia needs two iPhones.