This must be the wrong address. I’m parked outside a quiet suburban home in the Hollywood Hills, but my GPS insists I’ve arrived at the set of Syfy’s newest creature feature, Jersey Shore Shark Attack (premiering June 9 at 9 p.m.). On the phone, producer Peter Sullivan assures me, ”You’re at the right place, come on in!” In true guerrilla-production fashion, it seems my acting debut is being shot in a producer’s backyard, which will somehow double for a bustling East Coast marina. Ever wonder how Syfy pulls off F/X-heavy movies on a basic-cable budget? Like this.
I get to play a traumatized witness to a beachside shark massacre who is interviewed by a TV reporter (Jersey Shore‘s Vinny Guadagnino). This stunt is yards outside of my usual comfort zone, but I couldn’t resist the chance to earn an IMDb credit that read Jersey Shore Shark Attack.
In the backyard there’s a camera, and grass, and…that’s it. Lighting? Makeup? Who needs such fancy Hollywood perks? No Vinny, either, since he shot his portion separately. Soon I’m excitedly reciting lines like ”It was hell!” and ”There were sharks everywhere!” to the director. It felt like giving the Jersey Shore version of Robert Shaw’s USS Indianapolis speech from Jaws. Except I’m no Robert Shaw, or even Vinny. (I’m a drunken Deena Cortese at best.) Later I learned that most of my speech was cut from the film — but you will see me deliver a killer joke about being afraid to go in the water. Wanna hear it? Ahem: ”You kidding me? I can’t even take a shower!”