1. Bono’s company’s 2.3 percent of Facebook, bought for $90 million, now reportedly worth $1.5 billion
He promised the new wealth wouldn’t affect his music, though critics aren’t responding well to early demos of ”IPO Will Follow,” ”I Still Haven’t Friended Who I’m Looking For,” and ”Stuck in a Facebook Group You Can’t Get Out Of.”
2. New documents reveal that Loretta Lynn married at age 15, not 13
Jerry Lee Lewis was apparently sickened by the news, calling her husband a ”grave robber.”
3. CBS greenlights sitcom about two friends who move cross-country to work at Groupon
The fine print: Expires three episodes after premiere.
4. Ryan Seacrest buys former American Idol judge Ellen DeGeneres’ $49 million Beverly Hills estate
Even though he reportedly lowballed her at $37 million, she just couldn’t be critical of his offer.
5. Jack White spars with Guinness World Records over White Stripes’ one-note show as shortest concert
We’d call it the biggest music feud since the East Coast/West Coast rap war, but we have no official way of verifying that.
6. Adult Swim developing Harold and Kumar series
Because even pay-per-viewing from the couch was just too much effort for stoners.
7. In wake of masseur controversy, John Travolta shares romantic video tribute to Kelly Preston on his website set to Barbra Streisand’s ”That Face”
Asked if he considered that using a Barbra Streisand song would further feed the rumor mill, Travolta broke into the most beautiful rendition of ”Don’t Rain on My Parade.”
8. Taylor Swift donates $4 million to Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum
Upon hearing the news, the Hall of Fame gasped, covered its mouth, shrieked ”You guys!!” and walked up to the money in a teary daze.