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Soundbites: May 25, 2012

The best lines from the week in TV, featuring ”Parks and Recreation,” ”Glee,” and ”30 Rock”

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”Carlos, you help the poor and downtrodden, a group with a very flexible schedule.”

—Gaby (Eva Longoria), to Carlos (Ricardo Chavira), on Desperate Housewives

”Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.”

—Ron (Nick Offerman) on Parks and Recreation

”Commercials aren’t real life. Advertisers are manipulative alcoholics who use images to play on our emotions. Haven’t you seen Mad Men?”

—Sue (Jane Lynch) on Glee

”Would you like some aloe vera? You just got burned.”

—Sheldon (Jim Parsons) to Penny (Kaley Cuoco), after she’s insulted during a wedding speech, on The Big Bang Theory

”Feminism promised us two things: fatter dolls and an end to traditional gender roles.”

—Liz (Tina Fey) on 30 Rock