I’m excited that Kanye West is dating Kim Kardashian. I don’t have any clue what “dating” means when one person is a decadent self-loathing egotist and the other person is a beautiful big-butted mirror for our cultural desires. But I’m excited for Kanye to record his inevitable concept album about Kim-Kim, fusing europop and trip-hop and other genres you don’t care about, while tracking the tale of an attractive alien girl-robot who falls into an arranged marriage with a basketball player named Frankenstein. Eventually, the girl-robot leaves her husband for a dashing young shoemaker named Kanye. (Between tracks, Katy Perry and Nicki Minaj will sing key quotes from The Great Gatsby over a hot sample from Bernard Herrmann’s Vertigo soundtrack.)
Kris Jenner is also pretty hot on the idea of her daughter dating West. The new trailer for Keeping Up With the Kardashians takes about six seconds to show Kim-Kim and Kan-Kan grinning at each other, while sister Khloé helpfully notes: “They’re kind of like two peas in a pod.” (I’m glad Khloé said “kind of,” because otherwise I might have actually thought they were two small spherical seeds locked inside of a Pisum sativum seed-pod. Analogies make my brain go boo-boo!) Of course, as we all know from watching the “divorce” season of Kourtney & Kim Go Bananas, the most interesting tabloid Kardashian stuff usually gets about .01 percent actual screentime.
So, based on the trailer, here’s what we can actually expect from the new season: Kourtney telling us all about her pregnancy, Scott being a douchebag, Bruce Jenner trying to draw attention away from his face by getting a Tom-Brady-as-Justin-Bieber haircut, Rob Kardashian still existing apparently, and at least one Kardashian sister proclaiming “People don’t get how much s— I’m put under!” Also, Kim Kardashian tries on a blonde wig in what I can only assume is an embedded reference to Vertigo. The fun starts this weekend, but watch the trailer for now:
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