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SoundBites: Feb. 24, 2012

Notable quotables from ”Happy Endings,” ”Fashion Police,” and more

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”If the sex is crazy on a regular day, imagine what the VD sex is gonna be like. VD sex!… I get it, you’re not [fist-bumping] me because I said ‘VD.”’

— Dave (Zachary Knighton), using an unfortunate abbreviation for Valentine’s Day, on Happy Endings

The Vow is a movie about a woman who forgets why she fell in love with her husband. It’s based on the lives of every married woman ever.”

— Joan Rivers on Fashion Police

”Super comfortable — like sweatpants for my head.”

— Darryl (Craig Robinson), describing his new beanie, on The Office

”You have Dr. Sheldon Cooper in your lab. You’re gonna make him do the dishes? That’s like asking the Incredible Hulk to open a pickle jar.”

— Sheldon (Jim Parsons) on The Big Bang Theory

”I made a sweater for an octopus! Plus, I left one extra hole for its dreams and ideas!”

— Kristen Wiig, as Björk, on Saturday Night Live