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'Jersey Shore,' by Gary Oldman

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Metallica, Garage Inc.It’s understood that a British accent can class up the most pedestrian of American dreck. As far as we’re concerned, every Brit went to Oxford and has afternoon tea with Colin Firth. But the British lilt was put to the test last night on Jimmy Kimmel, when Oscar-nominee Gary Oldman was tasked with reading an episode summary from the most recent Jersey Shore. Alas, there is no poetry between the words Snooki and urinary tract infection, no matter the graceful delivery and background violins. Still, this is as tasteful as Jersey Shore will ever sound.

This, clearly, is the threshold of what a British accent can do. Oldman can illuminate “The Man With a Turnip for a Head.” Snooki, however, is simply a pumpkin too far.

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